- Category: Placing a Baby for Adoption
Choosing adoptive parents for your baby is a tough decision. You’ve already made the choice to place your child for adoption, so making another huge decision can be overwhelming. There are hundreds of adoptive families - how do you only choose one? What if you don’t find the perfect family? What if you change your mind about who you chose?
From years of experience helping birthmothers choose adoptive parents for their babies, here are a few tips to make the process a little easier.
Ask how they are feeling.
Always remember that infant adoption is an emotional struggle for everyone involved. While you’re working through your own feelings about the adoption process, the adoptive parents are also taking an emotional hit. Many of them have lost the ability to pass on their genes to a biological child or will never know what it’s like to experience the miracle of pregnancy. Both the birthparents and adoptive parents should be respectful of one another’s emotions. If you’re comfortable, ask the adoptive family how they’re feeling about the process. This can be a great way to open up the line of communication and establish a deeper connection.
Make sure they’re adoption educated.
Choosing an adoptive family that is well-educated about adoption will make the adoption process easier for both parties. Educated adoptive parents will understand the importance of open adoption, and be willing to work with you to create an adoption plan that you’re comfortable with. Don’t hesitate to ask adoptive parents what adoption classes they have taken, if they belong to any support groups, or if they have spoken to other families who have adopted.
Be specific.
Adoptive families come in all shapes, sizes, colors, religions, backgrounds and demographics. There are liberal parents and there are conservative parents. There are adventurous couples and laid back couples. Get our drift? While you may not know exactly what you’re looking for to start, chances are you will get a feel for it as you keep looking. Take some time to think about what type of family you are looking for, being as specific as possible. While you may not find a family that is 100% perfect, you will be surprised at how close you can get.
Follow your instincts.
Is there an adoptive family who you know in your heart is perfect minus one small flaw? Perhaps they check every box besides the fact they are a non-pet household. Or maybe they are amazing other than the fact both parents are only children. If you feel a true connection with an adoptive family, don’t let one detail ruin it. You’re feeling that connection for a reason. The rest will fall into place.
Don’t be afraid to say “no.”
It’s okay to change your mind at any time during the adoption process - that includes walking away from an adoptive family. It’s not uncommon that a birthmother will choose an adoptive family only to walk away from the situation after talking on the phone or meeting them in person. If you don’t feel it, chances are it isn’t the right situation for you.
AdoptList specializes in assisting birthmothers through pregnancy and adoption. If you're pregnant and considering adoption, contact us today for information. We're available 24/7.
